I'LL HAVE A SIDE OF FACE PLEASE...
I want you guys to do me a favor before you buy this item... or after... but definitely before or after. If you do this before, you will most certainly want this item. I want you to Google, "face eating attacks." See what pops up. See how many there are. See how many there are recently. Yes, there seems to be a trend of people who are eating others' faces, just because they had an apparent craving for human flesh. Now, is it just me or does that sound a little bit... I don't know... bizarre. I mean, okay... sanguine vampires crave blood, but to actually crave somebody's carcass? That's getting a little bit too weird... even for me.
Listen, the government has been designing experiments that affect the human brain. It reverses the functionality of the brain, basically rendering you Terri Schiavo. However, you will still maintain your mobility and the only important thought in your mind will be, "where can I can my next bit of human flesh?" I know, scary. It's like a real-life version of Resident Evil. However, these are the viruses that the government has been working with, in a location so remote that I only know that its whereabouts are somewhere in the Northwestern quadrant of the world, most likely in the arctic region, for purposes of freezing the virus.
The latest trend of face eating? Oh, well the government blames that on bath salt. How about that guy in Miami who was found not to be under the influence of anything "normal." Yeah, the cop had to shoot THAT guy FOUR times in order to make him stop devouring his victim's face. It's because the government has slowly been initiating these experiments and discoveries into mainstream society. It's all population control. For crying out loud, they have killer mosquitoes now that will bite you and four to six weeks later make your heart explode. They are putting some serious crap in the drinking water. How about the class action lawsuit against AIDS that began in Philly and vanished the following day? Yeah, the government controls everything.
Alright, I can't cure the world of AIDS. Nor can guarantee a killer mosquito won't suck you blood and kill you. What I can guarantee that this piece here is the perfect antidote piece for a new virus that, for lack of better terms, I'm going to call the Zombie Virus. This piece has been designed by the government to hold spiritually and physically alchemical sequences that will change the pattern of your body to make you invulnerable to the new Zombie Virus that they are creating. Please take this seriously. Deedee has already started purchasing survival materials just in case this virus goes... well... viral. You don't want to be caught without proper protection, or you'll be eating the next guy's face also; and from what I hear face doesn't taste that excellent. Get this piece TODAY!!
THIS PIECE WAS MAD SIMILAR IN STYLE TO GUTTA PERCHA. IT ACTUALLY HOLDS THE BLOOD FROM A ZOMBIE THAT ATTACKED SMALL VILLAGE IN ITALY DURING THE PLAGUE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT THIS ITEM IS THAT OLD, BUT THE BLOOD THAT IT WAS MADE WITH IS. THIS IS THE ULTIMATE PROTECTION AGAINST ANY TYPE OF GOVERNMENT ZOMBIE VIRUS OR PLAGUE BREAKOUT. LISTEN, IF YOU'RE WATCHING THE NEWS, YOU WILL KNOW THAT THERE WAS A NEW CASE OF PLAGUE WAS FOUND IN NEW MEXICO. OFFICIALS SAY THAT THE VIRUS IS CAPABLE OF SPREADING RAPIDLY!! BETTER PREPARE YOURSELF NOW!!
ATTENTION ALL BUYERS:
WE ARE OFF DOING TRANSFORMATIONS And services this week. We will be back on the 5th. Steve will be adding stuff on this week. Please be sure to read the shipping policy.
AGAIN, WE HAVE NEW BUYERS AND WE TRAVEL OFTEN. PLEASE *CAREFULLY* READ OUR SHIPPING POLICY. IF YOU BUY ON A MONDAY THERE IS NO WAY, NEITHER IN HEAVEN, NOR HELL, YOU WILL GET YOUR ITEM BY WEDNESDAY. WE HAVE A 10-DAY SHIPPING POLICY!!!! MOST OFTEN THAN NOT YOU GET YOUR ITEM BEFORE THAT BUT PLEASE BE PATIENT. IF YOU IN ANOTHER COUNTRY IT CAN TAKE LONGER. WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER CUSTOMS. WE ALSO DO NOT SIT ON OUR COMPUTERS LIKE FREAKS AND HAVE TO TRAVEL,GO TO THE BATHROOM AND EVEN LIVE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS. ALSO IF YOU PLACE AN ITEM IN THE SHIPPING CART AND DO NOT PAY YOUR ORDER WILL BE CANCELLED. WE WILL NO LONGER GO BACK AND FORTH EMAILING PEOPLE TO PAY. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.